Saturday, July 14, 2012

The Woes of Online Dating

I don't get out of the house much. My friends are either married or in relationships and they don't know single people to introduce me to. So meeting someone is really difficult. For the most part, being single is great, but there are occasions where I'm sitting on the couch, all my friends have plans with their significant other and there's this movie I'd really like to see. That's when I start to think having someone to do these things with would be nice.

And usually those are the nights that I cave and create a profile on a dating site. And then I'm rudely reminded of the pigs I have to sift through to find my frog.

Last night was one of these nights.

Here are some of the messages I've received over the last 12 hours.

Damn u r hot.

First off, if you don't have the time to spell out "you" and "are" then I don't have time for you. This was also the entire message. I'm swooning here, people. This message makes me want to respond so badly I'm quivering in my panties.


Instant turn OFF.

hi how r u i like to talk to u hit me up r text me at (then he gives his number)

Seriously? You really think that's going to get me to grab my phone and text you. Not only is this a blatant invitation for sexting, but you can't even write a proper sentence. What's it going to be like?

oh baby u make me so horny. 

My I.Q. just dropped writing that.

My favorite last night wasn't even a message. It was the profile picture. Yes, his face was actually in it, but right in front of what could have been a handsome face was a middle finger. Yep, he was flipping off the camera. You are sooooo someone I want talk to.

I'm not a prude. I cuss with the best of them. As for flipping people off...done it. BUT this is my first impression of you. ONLINE for that matter. I don't get to see your smile, or how your eyes may twinkle with mischief. The only personality I see is what you type down or show in a picture. And let me tell you, it doesn't work for this chick. At all.

I know online dating works. I know people who are happily married who met online. I'm just questioning how in the hell did you find each other. Did you have to weed through a jungle of crap too?  Deal with men who think so highly of themselves that they think giving a woman their phone number is like giving her the Holy Grail?

Gag me.

Now I'm off to delete my profile. Again.